Tuesday, October 22, 2013

falling off the wagon

Friday was HARD.  I do very well at work since I get into a routine and am not exposed to a lot of temptations.  Friday was my Mom's birthday, and I got off work early to spend time with her and the kids.  As soon as I walked in, I knew I was in trouble.  The kids were eating pizza.  Granted, it was frozen pizza, but I would have eaten pizza after it had fallen on the ground at that point.  But I stayed strong and drank my water.  Then came cupcake making.  At that point I was at the end of my rope and retreated to the basement to get away from the temptations.  But they followed me down there!  My Mom let the kids take their freshly baked cupcakes to the basement to watch a movie with me.  I eventually kicked them out and broke down and ate a small jar of sandwich sliced pickles.  It had 5 servings in the jar, and each serving had no calories or fat.  Too bad it didn't list what a whole jar was!  I'm sure I had *some* calories that day.  I didn't go over my daily allowance of calories, but I still felt like a huge failure because it was solid food and I wasn't allowed to eat any solids.

Saturday was a banner day for awesomeness.  I had my breakfast shake, then had a date that kept me away from the house for my lunch shake.  So instead of  having both my lunch & dinner shake at 5pm, I just added 2 extra scoops of protein powder to my dinner shake (in order to get enough protein), and had that.

Sunday was a good day, but I can see it as the start of me cheating a little and making excuses for it.  I did no snacking all day, even though I had Peach with me all day and had to cook for her.  But that evening a neighbor kid came over and all the kids were eating small pretzel sticks.  I had 2.  I was so ashamed because my kids would be disappointed if they caught me.

Monday was my worst day ever.  I think I am having a lot of anxiety about the upcoming surgery.  I had my 3 normal shakes and cup of chicken broth like usual.  But on my way home, I remembered a long-abandoned small bag of baked cheddar & sour cream chips and had it while driving to get the kids for karate.  Then I hid the evidence so they wouldn't be disappointed.  I feel bad for the sneaky snacking since it will lead me down a very self-destructive path.  TODAY (Tuesday) WILL be a no-cheat day.  It as to be.

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