Wednesday, May 22, 2013

A long-awaited journey, step 1

I have always been a chubby kid.  As far back as 6, I remember being bigger than normal.  I have a picture of me in ballet class and I already had the beginning of a stomach pooch.  The kind women get after having a baby.  But I got mine at age 6.  I have several friends who have had weight loss surgery, and I have wanted and planned to have it done when I was done having kids.  Now that I am (almost) divorced and have no interest in having sex anytime soon, it is the perfect time to get the ball rolling. 

I am lucky enough to live very close to a world-class, top rated hospital.  I watched the online weight loss seminar and took the required follow-up quiz (and scored 100%).  A few days later I completed my medical history questionnaire online.  After a very long 10 day wait, I received a letter in the mail outlining the next steps that will happen.  In 10 days I will get another letter outlining all my appointments necessary before getting this life-changing surgery.  I am excited but nervous.  I know this is a wonderful new beginning.  It will help me be a better, more involved mom.  I will have more energy, be able to be more active, and have much better health.  I do feel like a bit of a failure for not being able to do it on my own, but I do need to learn to ask for help when I need it.  And this time I need it!  I am DONE beating myself up for a number on the scale.  I am done with the emotional eating.  I WILL be more healthy, inside and out.  Since I am still fairly anonymous online, I plan to be brutally honest about the process, both physically and mentally.

As of today, I weigh 260.5.  Not that I am counting or focusing on my weight.  But I do want to record it for posterity.